… but the bad news is that so is lack of control. Now let’s look at this in a sandwich: we’ll start by looking at cases when it works superbly to have infectious self-control, then we’ll get into the less rosy side of the phenomenon and finally end with a positive message (and it’s not like when someone learned to give negative feedback in a “sandwich”, because if all they can do is say something good before the criticism and then pat you on the back, you’ll know what they’re up to from the first sentence).
So, in a small town in the USA the population was monitored for 32 years. They wanted to find out whether terms like ‘obesity epidemic’, which is apparently not unique to Hungary, should be taken literally. In addition to the usual research the study also monitored the social relationships of the people living there. They came to a shocking conclusion: obesity is contagious indeed, spreading through family and friends alike. The numbers aren’t so interesting (if your friend gets fat, you’re 171% more likely to get fat yourself, and if you have a male brother who is overweight, you’re “only” 45% more likely to get overweight), as the reasons.
It turns out that the social animal part of you is responsible for everything. We need to be connected, that’s how we’re wired – and the same mirror neurons that help us understand what the other person’s facial expression or hand gesture means also make sure we match the direction of the tribe’s progress as closely as possible: we used to ensure our survival by making sure that if everyone started running towards the forest we did the same, there must be a reason for it. Now you can say “but my 3 best friends smoke and I can’t even stand the smoke”, but the contract with evolution is that you only copy what you already have in you, in this case the tendency to be addicted to nicotine.
And the downside: while it’s true that both good and bad behaviours and habits are easy to catch if you’re not careful, of the two giving in to temptation spreads much more easily. Again, of course, there is an evolutionary reason for this, but it is beyond the scope of this article (I’m happy to write about it if anyone is interested).
And then the pickles and the mayo on top of the sandwich (and I’m quoting here Kelly McGonigal’s brilliant book, The Willpower Instinct): “peer contagion spreads through networks of mutual respect and affection /…/ a co-worker has nowhere near the impact of a close friend”, so if your hated neighbour and his wife have put on 25 kilos since last year, it has less impact on you than if Sanyi, the guy you have a beer with every week, has done so.
So what to do is simple: choose friends who set a good example and don’t invite relatives who smoke for Christmas. Oh, no, I was just joking:). But becoming aware of the above is a huge step towards taking control of your own habits.
#willpower #KellyMcGonigal #habitsofhealth #selfcontrol
